its my life.fake or real?

你不知道的事

2010-10-20T02:19:00.000-07:00

蝴蝶擦几次眼睛 再学会飞行  夜空洒满了星星 但即刻会落地 我飞行 但你坠落之际 很靠近 爱听见呼吸  对不起 我却没捉紧你   你不知道我为什么离开你 我坚持不能说放任你哭泣 你的泪滴像倾盆大雨  碎落满地 在心里清晰 你不知道我为什么狠下心 还悬在你看不见那高空里  多的事 你不知道的事  蝴蝶擦几次眼睛 再学会飞行  夜空洒满了星星 但即刻会落地 我飞行 但你坠落之际 很靠近 爱听见呼吸  对不起 我却没捉紧你   你不知道我为什么离开你 我坚持不能说放任你哭泣 你的泪滴像倾盆大雨  碎落满地 在心里清晰 你不知道我为什么狠下心 还选择你看不见那高空里  多的事 你不知道的事  oh wow oh~  我飞行 但你坠落之际  ho~oh~~  你不知道我为什么离开你 我坚持不能说放任你哭泣 你的泪滴像倾盆大雨  碎落满地 在心里清晰 你不知道我为什么狠下心 还悬在你看不见那高空里  多的事 你不知道的事  oh~... ...

2010-06-23T09:00:00.000-07:00

yes.

knock some sense into me,will you?

2010-06-16T08:17:00.000-07:00

what is wrong with me! i really don't know. i have no idea why the hell i am doing this. please,someone tell me?its just wrong.

人要学会宽恕！

2010-06-13T02:13:00.000-07:00

nice song. just dont want to make this blog look dead.and so short. so i post this song.

神木与瞳 -宽恕

面对面坐着眼神不屑一顾
挤出的笑容看起来好突兀
我走错一步坠入万丈深谷
还是会想起你的荒唐糊涂
针刚刺在心上血流已如注
背叛了幸福拿爱当赌注
曾把感情放逐何时能结束
遇到你我想停止游牧让爱归真返璞
漂泊会落幕承诺说得那么铭心刻骨
你的眼泪让我无助
你懂不懂我为爱忍辱
努力学习宽恕原谅那错误
不甘我们的爱死在半途
听见你的心还在哭
遗忘不及痛蔓延速度
希望你能觉悟我真的领悟
伤口慢慢愈合再被爱包覆

还是会想起你的荒唐糊涂
针刚刺在心上血流已如注
背叛了幸福拿爱当赌注
曾把感情放逐何时能结束
遇到你我想停止游牧让爱归真返璞
漂泊会落幕承诺说得那么铭心刻骨
你的眼泪让我无助
你懂不懂我为爱忍辱
努力学习宽恕原谅那错误
不甘我们的爱死在半途
听见你的心还在哭
遗忘不及痛蔓延速度
希望你能觉悟我真的领悟
伤口慢慢愈合再被爱包覆
你的眼泪让我无助
你懂不懂我为爱忍辱
努力学习宽恕原谅那错误
不甘我们的爱死在半途
听见你的心还在哭
遗忘不及痛蔓延速度
希望你能觉悟我真的领悟
伤口慢慢愈合再被爱包覆

in your mind

2010-04-30T05:30:00.001-07:00

you know it.you know there is something wrong with the friendship. you know i am alr not happy yet you are not doing something abt it. i don't want our friendship to turn sour. i hope you can change your attitude. you know i don't like being left out and pangseh and people being irresponsible. please jolly well change the attitude you have now. this post is for you. if you read it. i hope there will be some changes becos i feel i have alr been kind enough not blowing things up, just hoping to amend the mistakes. hope you know it and just try to be more mindful to what you say and do. bear in mind, i am not angry. i am just nt happy. its different. don't feel i am being mean or whatsoever. its just a thought of mine. if you don;t take it to heart. i have nothing to say alr.

overboard

2010-04-22T04:37:00.000-07:00

there's always a limit to everything.
but if you exceed that limit of my tolerance-o-meter,i will be angry.
and you,totally going off the limits.
though we are good friends,but still,please know you limits.
and don't forget that quarrel we had a year ago.
i don't want history to repeat itself.

happy moments

2010-04-15T02:21:00.000-07:00

do you think she is that hardworking? the right side is totally better-looking~

"promised" this bolan bitch to up her hits by blogging abt her.

so here it is.

totally had fun during art.

though "a bit" stress and all.

but still,the teachers and classmates are niceee,so am i ok?

i am lucky to have them;D

starting to appreciate what i am having.

happy moments with NABEI BOLAN TAN BLACK BLACK.

long name huh?

please visit her word press at

http:// www.shuxianloves.wordpress.com

those are her photos,if you want her to join your modeling firm please contact her at her word press.

moodless

2010-04-13T08:28:00.000-07:00

not in good mood lately.
feel as if something is missing from my life.
not trying to be greedy here but i think its sufficient but just needed more.
i need a little more of everything.
gah,i sure know how to enjoy life.
hahas.
no mood to do several things.
not in the mood to study
not in the mood to exercise.
not in the mood to horse around.
not in the mood to do many things.

MYE is just weeks later,i better stand up and get on my feet.
start to do everything.
guess the first thing i need to do is PACK MY TABLE!

new life

2010-04-12T03:49:00.000-07:00

signed up for a wordpress account
for fun.
to actually erase the memories i want to forget and at the same time,starting a new.
just want to live my life at a whole new perspective.
okays.
if you want to visit me:
here is the website.
www.lifewithoutjesslyn.wordpress.com
this does not mean that i am goin to delte this blog.
just want it dead.
for a moment.

stressed?no,not really.

2010-04-12T03:16:00.000-07:00

if it isn't stress what is it?
whats causing all the attitude problem??
idk.
its just been rather busy and weird lately,
gorging myself with food,feeling hungry even though i had just eaten.
getting emotional with small matters.
what is the problem???
how am i going to resolve this situation.
its kinda getting out of hand le.
today was the total breakdown.
i felt as though i was being outcasted by them?
aren't frens suppose to stand by each other when anything happens?
aren't frens suppose to stay by your side when anything happen?
its really dissapointing to see it.
if you really know who you are,i guess its time for you guys to repent.

it was like a total embarrassment to tell people that i shed tears because of little things like that.
sometimes i really feel useless,like a total failure.
and the world will just continue moving without my presence.
like i can be so negligible.
amazing thing was that i showed my emotional face to mrs lee.
gosh,nobody will understand.

please don't go over the limits.

some bitches

2010-04-09T07:13:00.001-07:00

todayy many things started to screw up becos of some bitches.(you know who!)
and there were kind people too(though he finds us irritating.)(giving him soooo many problems.)
becos the H and T did not communicate well. therefore it becomes OUR fault?
how fair is the world?
gosh,i think not much.
the world is changing~
the bitch is T.
the kind teachers that totally loved us throughout was MRS RAJ and MR SINGH.
love them totallyy~

hahas.
when things started changing,our mood also change.
i am sincerly apologising for the bad tempers and the sudden flare up!
sorry sorry sorry!
i am going to totally publish this and back stab her NOW.
YA NOW!!!!!
say the thank yous first.if not,later i get HOT and forget.
THANKS those who stayed back to help or maybe even supporting us morally.
THANKS those who calm me down.
THANKS for making me laugh my ass out!(xialan and bolan)
i am not tryin to be vulgar right here.
if i were to put there real names.
they will totally kill me

okkays.
now the main happenings for the day.
this whole critique mean not harm.
just for the pleasure of saying it and for my readers to see alr shiok shiok.

1.she showed us not respect.

why must we show you respect when you F***king dun show us any?

everything,must give and take

cant possibly you take all without giving.

same applies here.

talk to you nicely,show what attitude!

2.unreasonable

you are being unreasonable for not letting us say the things we want to say....

behind your BACK.

hello!NOT RIGHT IN YOUR FACE,alr sorta respect you hor.

okays,she is just a bitch.

3.bias

she is F**king bias towards the graduating class.

hmm,ask me why?

no reason.just despice the NA la.

kb la,u jolly well go to hell.(hmm,rythming)

pompous fool!

4.it has nothing got to do with us

its you!!!!!!!!!!T just go and die!

you did not plan it well. and never draw out the positions clearly.

its not the students fault.

its yours!

please get you facts right hor.

your planning sucks.

teachers are not always right and students are not always wrong!

stop stereotyping!

5.threatening students.

just because you are like older and bigger.

you threaten us with everything we do?

like what the F**k

sucker!

6.killing the earth in another way.

tell people not to waste water.

what is that????

bias again right.

next time when we are the graduating classes,i think we don't have the priority!

she is a total bias BITCH.

seriously,i think writing abt her just dirty my blog.

ewwwwwww.

homecoming

2010-04-08T00:35:00.000-07:00

i love 409!

cant wait for this saturday!

hahas;D

woohoo!

cant blog for long.

love and like is a total different thing,when can we understand the fact?

humans nature.

2010-04-07T07:13:00.000-07:00

ever wonder how are humans actually form?
how cruel they can be?
how kind they can be?
Humans are ever-changing.
they can be good on one hand,
under their skin,showing their true colors.its evil!
i think tongue is the most lethal weapon on Earth.
it can make you happy or either make you totally sad,and sometimes dissapointed and angry.
i finally understand this theory today.

"Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.”

hectic.

2010-04-02T09:40:00.000-07:00

so many things right up here in my head.
dunno what to do wit them.
sometimes i wonder how people juggle so many things at one go?
sick or what?

"Tell me what you brag about and I'll tell you what you lack”

title less.

2010-04-01T04:14:00.000-07:00

cant think of any title.
hahas.
today i totally laughed my ass out.
so many times,freaking retarded.
SHUXIAN luhs.
all her fault.
played a fool like ....a fool..
hahas..
something super classic.
quoted from http://www.shuxianloves.wordpress.com/

"Anyway random, I can sleep anywhere, I really mean anywhere hahaha! I slept on my damn hard chair before, slept while walking, slept while bathing "

bold and largest font.happy not shuxian?
不变的幸福只是一种距离
那时候有没有一个是你爱我我爱你最完美的结局
还是我变成了你最想忘记的回忆

practical

2010-03-31T08:23:00.000-07:00

i dunno how else i can describe my feelings now.
its been insane recently.
not thinking straight and properly.
to be practical?or not?
practical is the impossible, the impractical is making the impossible to possible.
should i think of things that most probably will NEVER come true.
i am happy for you.
to find someone so much better than me,treating you million times better than i did to you.
i am just an asshole.
forgive me.

“Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.”

life goes on.

2010-03-29T02:30:00.000-07:00

it may not be what u wan it to be,
but u have to accept the fact.
its the truth,the fact.

gah,its damn irritating.
life goes on no matter what.

如果愛還能再重來我期待澎湃永遠在

art art art

2010-03-25T00:40:00.000-07:00

sian leh,art sucks man.
stay back for extra 2hrs for ART!!!
nehneh la!
its like freaking long
four freaking hours of bloody art!!!
gah!!!
suckballs man..

i hate thursdays.

shook my world

2010-03-22T01:06:00.000-07:00

hahas,i guess i am used to being shock.
like boo!!!!argh!
and used to being depressed.
i am already used to being alone.
in fact,i realised it is not that bad being all alone.
its makes you think deeply and make you wanna do something about ur fucked up life.
many shocking things happened in 2010.

expecting the unexpected.
miricles will not exist.stop being naive.

does it matter now?

2010-03-21T17:26:00.000-07:00

i guess it will never like how it is le.
it will not be and never be!
i hate my life.
nothing is right.
why?
suck balls..

now in the comp lab doing some retarded maths question.
lame and dumb.
i hate maths.

bored

2010-03-18T19:15:00.000-07:00

abseilling yesterday was fun.
and exciting.
though there were ppl who did not complete it,but still i guess the day was not wasted.as we all had fun as a whole.crack silly jokes and wash equipment.
gossipping abt some retards.
ya,thats what makes my day.
thanks guys.

during the abseil,i felt scared and at the same time excited!
it was so high and u can see nth.
u had to watch your steps,unlike the rock wall in school.
this time,its a rock face!
u may just crash into the rocks,or maybe the rocks from above can just come crumbling down on you.
ya,its that dangerous.
but overcoming my unneccesary fears,i mustered my courage and just do it!
it was a fun and exciting experience.it was slippery so u will slip.becos of the rain,the gloves weren't smooth.

there was one embarrassing moment i would not share.

dancing in the rain,pondering abt things,sing hot n cold in the RAIN!
HOW COOL WAS IT!
thanks rain.

A part of you that'll never show. You're the only one that'll ever know

holidays.

2010-03-16T21:12:00.000-07:00

gah!todayy suppose to go jogging with jx ,jw and ld.
but was freaking tired and lazy to wake up.
partly becos i think i cannot outrun them.
no stamina. and laziness kills;/
i will blog the entire holidays.
though,its nth much.
no thoughts.no events just short little posts.
have been watching 海派甜心!
its nice.
its so touching.
sometimes i will wished that love stories existed!
cant we live in fairy tales,where everything ends with a happily ever after.
but in reality ends with a happily never after!

when there's a will,there's a way.

2010-03-15T23:56:00.000-07:00

oral todayy just sucked.
totally,i guess i can just bang my head and die.
maybe becos i am just too nervous and distracted by the sjab ppl dowstairs.
they just keep shouting,no. 1!
idk la.
nt trying to put the blame on them .
just nervous.
attention span just too short.
but its over alr,no point crying over spilt milk.
you cannot change the facts just by crying?

send my condolences to her.
rest in peace ah ma.

"The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.”

i've decided!

2010-03-15T02:46:00.000-07:00

我决定了。
把它从我生命中删除，他不会是我难过的原因！
永远不会！
李雪铃一定办得到!

thinking.

2010-03-15T01:15:00.000-07:00

am i suppose to face facts like those dramas?
just get over it?
or whatever..
i dunno,seriously.
he got over it so quickly?
guess its time.
time???
do i have what it takes to do it?
i wonder if time could turn back and time would stop just once.
once only.so i will live with no regrets.
though there are just too many regrets.

have been thinking what i have been thinking all while?
hmmm,tricky question huh?

why are guys and girls so different?
wonder wich is the best gender..

分得够狠你才有借口转身

也许用伤害结束爱才更动人

too much in my head!

2010-03-12T19:20:00.000-08:00

yesterdayy,went straight after school to watch "dear john" with jingwen and jiaxin.
its was a very touching show,although it didn't make me cry,it drew back all the memories i had,the scenes were like what i longed for and had no freaking guts to do it.

after that,we wanted to have coffee but it was too expensive.
scary prices and it may not taste nice.
so we ordered fruit juice.
den after recieving a call from aqil,we all rushed to woodlands.
quite a long journey and i dread it becos...
those two women just keep repeating the same song again and again.
it goes like this:"Hi,my name is jess.I've got a cat ,a man and a family.
i go to work at a mushroom factory.One day,my boss he said to me.hey jess can u press the button with your left hand pls."
gosh,i hate it!
was like damm irritated and at the same time felt entertained!
hahas
reach causeway point and went to pizza hut,FULL HOUSE!
neh neh!
so we waited.
and waited.
AND WAITED!
finally we came to a compromise.
we ask them to split us.
we don't mind.
as we are running short of time.

okays,we wanted to reach there in time,so eating and whatever all takes time.
just kept hurrying them to eat faster and all.
okays,obviously we are late.
hahas.
so,we all decide to run.
those girls who wore heels,took out their heels to run and the boys help the girls carry their bags.
we all ran there like mad ppl!
was like SUPER DUPER COOL!!!
should have taken a shot of it!
hahas;D
we reached there in time!
hahas

after shine,we took a lot of photos!
the photographer is a very good one!
thanks kayying!for every single pretty shot of ME!
hahas;D

we totally rock the house manzszzzssxxx
hahas.
walking to the mrt station i was talking to shu xian about forever love.
we were like saying there isn't such thing as that.
though there was a period i thought eternal love exist.
it may exist in other ppl life,but NOT mine!
love and relationships will never be like korean dramas and some drama serials.
our age,its only crush and puppy love.
it will never be lasting.
to think of it,its rather true.
wait for the suitable age,and it will be the right time.

don't you think it is not worth.
if you guys will not end up marrying each other,den might as well not start at all.

after all this discussion was rather upset with my family.
yup,i do have a family.
but to my ____does she want me here?
asking me to go and die?
is it what you really want?
for such a small matter????
sometimes i really think i do not belong there!

i am who i am!

2010-03-11T16:25:00.000-08:00

be it noisy or what.
i am still me!
why cant ppl accept others for who they are?

hiding away from?

2010-03-10T07:53:00.001-08:00

reality??

i guess so.

or maybe i just don't want to be myself for once.

why?

mainly becos i am starting to hate myself.

maybe if not for my attitude.

it may not happen,lesser problems will arise and world peace.

but again,it kind of sounds like i am influential and my presence actually make a difference.

though i cant stand that situation.

a powerful voice will tell me to just "tolerate!!!"

it helps.

i often tolerate assholes and bitches.

things may not be that complicated after all.

please watch what you say!

2010-03-09T08:18:00.000-08:00

although we are very good friends,crack jokes to have fun.its fine with me.

but certain things must be done only at the limit.over the limit.its a serious NO-NO for me.

i have been tolerating,

guess i am still doing fine.

please seriously watch what ur say,it may hurt others,unknowingly.

it may work,if we try.

suppose to my photoshop now,but cant find the materials i need.

i guess i have to push it to tomoro.

hahas

ONE OF THESE DAYS,NONE OF THESE DAYS!

stop procrastinating!

feeling like...a failure.

2010-03-05T07:38:00.000-08:00

todayy as usual,had odac training.
felt damn useless.
cant even do simple things.
tiredness kills.
just a simple prusik up and abseil down also suck!
damn bloody screwed,just like my shit life.
neh neh,re-do so many times.
failure.
after odac training,saw the SJAB camp.
totally shock and had green eyes.(envy)
the way they scold their cadets are very firm.
how i wish ODAC have the basic discipline and the basic respect for the seniors.
gosh,ODAC is so puny compared to them(for discipline)
whereas,ODAC is much much muchhhh more BONDED than them!!!

“Life's real failure is when you do not realize how close you were to success when you gave up.”Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained”

sorry.my fault.

2010-03-04T03:28:00.000-08:00

so sorry i didn't expect it to be like that.
gosh,i feel so guilty.
hahas.
SOMETIME IS BETTER NOT TO KNOW.
WHY?
THINK.
THINK HARDER.
OKAYS,ON THE SECOND THOUGHT,I ALSO DON'T KNOW.
HAHAS;D

只要能看到你，我已经很开心了！
你的呼吸，你的笑容，都深深地刻在我心里。
只想问你，还爱我吗？虽然答案很明确，但我很想知道。

how i wish...

2010-03-01T00:16:00.001-08:00

i want to be as naive as him.
its just feel good to know lesser than others.

much happier this way.

bitter-sweet

2010-03-01T00:08:00.000-08:00

what does it mean?
to me,its memories.
i feel its normal to have bitter-sweet memories.
cause its the part and parcel of life.u cant be happy all the time,and neither sad all the time.
its just life.
though unfair,just live it.

love is nothing but a word.does it mean a lot to me?idk.
why bother?
不在家裡, 就在雨裡, 不在雨裡, 就在往雨中的路上

thursdays

2010-02-25T02:37:00.000-08:00

i love/hate thursday mans.
becos of the same reason.
hate,cos there's art.
becos its thursday,finish ur art and u are FREE!
yea!
relax after getting tired out becos of the subject.

life suckballs.

2010-02-24T06:15:00.000-08:00

i dunno how to live a proper life.
whats proper.
idk.
hahs,ironic huh.
fair or unfair?ppl living so happy yet...
gah,i am jealous.

its just not right,somehow.

2010-02-19T22:46:00.001-08:00

why?
things used to be what i think it will be.
but now,its different.
i am not cut out for so many things.
decisions made by my are mainly bad.
why?
gahs.
still coughing,stomach getting stronger..
hahas.

coughs wth?

2010-02-18T16:17:00.000-08:00

gah!
cant stand coughing.gonna cough til i gt six packs liao.
hahas,
its been a long time since i blog.
oh ya,chinese new year!
its a boring new year for me.
sick for 6 days don't know for what?
cough,vomit,fever.
the mighty jesslyn has fallen sick.
whatever.
though sometimes i find there isn't any point to say it but to make this post longer..
i shall say .
i feel like a transparent person in front of anyone.
no idea why,just feel like if i am not with them,they can still have fun. just feel like an extra calefare to them.
gah gah gah~

sick

2010-02-11T07:06:00.000-08:00

i feel unwell now.
sore throat.
gah,its killing me.
ms koh says i am a computer noob and i feel its true. simple things like putting photos into the disc also cant do it well?
i am just wasting resources.
just changed my blogskin.
no tagboard,no links.
no point.
hahas.

define happiness?

2010-02-11T06:49:00.000-08:00

how do you define happiness?
what is happiness?
just simply being happy?laugh?
or just able to laugh in your heart?
understand?
rants~
there is nothing much.
nobody cares anyway.
its just...useless.
go think.
laugh all you want.

i am crazy,so are you.i am ugly so are you.i am fat so are you.everyone is the same.

tired???of what?getting angry?

2010-02-10T06:24:00.001-08:00

so tired,
tired of everything.
evrything in life.suckballs.art and all~
grrr,wan to be a quitter.
just wan to give up siol.
neh neh.
feel i am like super mean,to everything.
i condemn everyone in the world.rahs..things just go through my mouth and fly pass my brain.so swiftly that my brain din filter it properly.
gah.
feeling uncomfortable with people spreading......zzz

i don't blog about things that happen.its just how i feel.

2010-02-03T06:31:00.000-08:00

nobody is indispensable,i learnt that today.
no one is gonna die becos someone is not there for him/her anymore.
everyone is replaceable.
no point getting sad and stuff.get over it alrights.:/
control feelings,dun nid to get emotionally becos of sad things.
just laugh it off or even better.
cry it out.
tears only,everyone has it?
hahas,think positive always.

miss olivia and miss yingxuan they came back today!
hahas;D
had lots of fun as usual,bullied her like...
screamed like...mad woman.
jumped like crazy frog..
just so high.
fake or real?
下一个会更好！
lastly,HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY!

2010-01-29T07:38:00.000-08:00

i saw the gruesome cat video.
that woman really deserve to die!
she is damn cruel.
other than she deserve to die,there seem like no other reasons on why she should live.
she can just bang her head on the wall,or just let ppl to step on her with their high heels.
taste her own medicine.

如果爱你是一种过错，我愿意一错再错！
If you tell the truth you dont have to remember anything.

2010-01-28T04:51:00.000-08:00

i think i am sick!
sick in my brain.
everyone is talking about the gruesome video abt the cat,getting stepped by a crazy woman.
i still want to watch it sia.
gosh,i cant find the link.

“I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday.“

2010-01-28T03:48:00.000-08:00

i feel i have NO LIFE!
guess thats the reason why this blog is so dead.
and post are short ba.
other than talking abt my own feelings and my all so dead life,there's like no meaning to it.
feelings??
abt what?
other than him?
why the hell am i revolving around this matter when he has already gotten over it..?

two is better than one.

i love MIKI

2010-01-22T23:42:00.000-08:00

i brought home a kitten yesterday.
its so cute.
next time i take picture and upload..
;D
i persuaded my mum to let me keep it.
hahas;D
its like a ang moh,blue eyes~
gosh,i love MIKI!!!

i have not figured out what is holding me back the memories or what?
and have also no idea what does hwaiting means?

2010-01-22T19:59:00.000-08:00

typical friday.
odac day.
but right after school,i have no idea why i dun have the mood to go for cca.
haiz..
like very sian liddat.
so lazy to blog.
oh wells,byebye

2010-01-21T02:59:00.001-08:00

blogging is the only way i can let the things inside of me out.
the sad and happy.
even though i have the best friends in the world,but i feel i should nt actually trouble them;/
how noble.
whatever.
i am very happy today,as i didnt get BOMB by her and even got praise.
i hope i am able to keep to her standard.

DESTRESS!

seeing the amt of smilies his blog has,i am very sure he is very happy.

2010-01-20T06:47:00.000-08:00

"Where Is The Love?"

What's wrong with the world, mama
People livin' like they ain't got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma
Overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin'
In the USA, the big CIAThe Bloods and The Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah
Madness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates
Man, you gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'all
People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek
Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above'
Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love,The love, the love
It just ain't the same, always unchanged
New days are strange, is the world insane
If love and peace is so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don't belong
Nations droppin' bombs
Chemical gasses fillin' lungs of little ones
With ongoin' sufferin' as the youth die young
So ask yourself is the lovin' really gone
So I could ask myself really what is goin' wrong
In this world that we livin' in people keep on givin'in
Makin' wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends
Not respectin' each other, deny thy brother
A war is goin' on but the reason's undercover
The truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rug
If you never know truth then you never know love
Where's the love, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the truth, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the love, y'all
People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek
Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above'
Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)Where is the love (The love)Where is the love (The love)Where is the love (The love)Where is the love (The love)Where is the love, the love, the love?
I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets colder
Most of us only care about money makin
'Selfishness got us followin' our wrong direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what they see in the cinemaYo', whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness in equality
Instead of spreading love we're spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' down
There's no wonder why sometimes I'm feelin' under
Gotta keep my faith alive till love is found
Now ask yourselfWhere is the love?Where is the love?Where is the love?Where is the love?
Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love?
Sing wit me y'all:One world, one world (We only got)One world, one world (That's all we got)One world, one worldAnd something's wrong wit it (Yeah)Something's wrong wit it (Yeah)
Something's wrong wit the wo-wo-world, yeah
We only got(One world, one world)That's all we got(One world, one world)

long lyrics but the song is nice and lyrics is very meaningful.its really show how people behave in this world nowadays.

2010-01-20T06:06:00.001-08:00

i hate the subj.feel like dropping it alr.
its stressing me out so much.
its taking up most of my time.
sometimes think she siao,but my impression of her being good is still there.
i guess she meant well,but she dun nid to humiliate me in front of the whole class.
its not the embarrassment,its the dignity and pride.
and its all so not true.
after the msg she texted me to change my attitude.
i did!
i did try my best to work hard,but did u see it?
pls get ur facts right first before scolding.
u din see and neither did u appreciate it!
i am alr on the verge of leaving the class.
thanks alot ms siti!
thanks for helping me.

memories are bitter-sweet.
it will nvr be only sweet.
its glad talking to some people.
i guess i changed too,perhaps its best being strangers.
emo is never the solution.

2010-01-11T06:19:00.000-08:00

todayy is the release of the o'levels results.
i did not witness their joy and maybe their tears ?
but i guess its a relief seeing all the months of hardwork is being paid off.
few years down the road,its gonna be me recieving the results.
be it good grades or bad,i will accept it,for i know i have done my best.
jesslyn is going to work hard for her o levels.
but not sure on how to do it?
grats to the sec 4s and 5s for their good grades ;D

2010-01-10T07:33:00.000-08:00

i find things difficult to control nowadays,
i think differently alr.
mayb its more positive or trying to be more optimistic,yea?
OR
mayb becos i became more mature alr.
i am not afraid of the memories.
sometimes,i will dig it up willingly.
hahas,i guess i become stronger in someway or another.
i dun think writing long blogs will do me any good.
i will keep it short and sweet next time.

i slowly understand the meaning of time heals.
i think it helped.

2010-01-03T06:45:00.000-08:00

SCHOOL is gonna start soon!
i am half excited and half sad..
its all mixed emotions.
keep the blog short..
i will work hard for everything.
try not to take things for granted.
and shall be independant.

MOST IMPORTANTLY,not to forget to thank the ppl to help me in 2009!
i will nvr forget you all!

2010-01-01T08:21:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEARS,PEOPLE!
its 2010!!!
some ppl are going sec 4 alr!
hahas;D
its time to say goodbye to some ppl and some things.
be it memory(happy or sad)
its always there u know,but there will be time for u to say goodbye to it!
hahas;D
there's asaying.
time heals everything!
so,ya..
no point holding on to it when it is not yours le.
time to learn independant!cos u are 15!
hahas:D
one year older le..
;(

SAY HELLO AND A BIG WELCOME TO 2010~

excited for school,anybody!
hahas,no one~say byebye to hols~
and maple~
rahs!!!
hahas;D

i am always alone,without you...
...
but becos there is something called alone,i learnt maturity~

2009-12-18T06:19:00.000-08:00

todayy i had a fun time at the zoo;D
all thanks to my two best friends!
hahas;D
so fun and memorable.
i think no other words can express my feelings;D
i am just so happy.
and thanks so much to those who wish me a happy birthday!
i really appreciate it.

这次，我觉得我被重视了。
不像那时，根本就很失败。
我讨厌那时的计划。
我终于没有被排在第二顺位！

thanks so much!!i love you guys!<3

how i wish it was u who spend my birthday with me.
happy birthday jesslyn.

2009-12-17T06:12:00.000-08:00

only do what your heart tells you to.
izzit true?
but anyways,whether that quote is true or not.
lets just blog abt the two days that i have enjoyed the most
it was yeasterday and today
yesterday i went to msia,for SHOPPING~
yay!~
its so fun,but tiring
had to walk for a long time
bought many things,mostly clothes!
its just so fun to spend money

and today!!!!!!
hahas,its a very fruitful day for me
okays,put it this way,ODAC events are always fruitful.
no matter what,u will just feel the fun and u will learn things somehow.
today is an unforgettable event,mayb just a normal game for u guys
but to us,we did a lot of preparation.
so its really like all our efforts are not gone to waste.
heard from our odac ppl that they had fun too;D
i suppose everyone feel the same abt the event today.
THE UBIN CHALLENGE
winning is not everything,its the process of the game that counts
so the SLs,how u guys may somehow feel the games a little useful to ur futured projects!
jiayou

2009-12-06T05:17:00.000-08:00

okays,back blogging.
i have nothing to blog abt
todayy,i went to my mother's shop to slack~
or maybe just to eat and slp like a pig.
seriously,i slept like 4 hours straight.
idk why i am like so sleepy.but i know i am just tired~
had several dreams.series and it just seemed real~
i even thought it happen but it turned out to be dreams.

dreams will always be dreams,it will nvr come true.
once u wake up,its gone~

we saw the christmas lightings at orchard road~its so beautiful!
hahas;D

2009-11-30T06:08:00.000-08:00

todayy was a great day.
i dunno how to start.
but to summarise
i just highlight a few points will do ba.
i went to register my tuition again so i will be busy.
i spent alot todayy on useful food.
and they are harmful,cos it makes me fat
i went to watch 2012 with breastie.
its just a great day!
i love 2012.
worth watching kayyss..
go watch~
climax all the way~

2009-11-28T23:34:00.000-08:00

yesterday open house was a success!
i like the open house~
glad to be a part of it.
its so fun~~
hahas
the helium balloons,the cute little boys,the annoying ppl and the hammock~
its just so fun~
i love it!
off mapling now!;D

2009-11-25T20:23:00.000-08:00

i fixed the blog rdyy.
trying to update
but got nothing to update abt
okays..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY papa!!!!
anyways,he cant see his birthday blessing on my blog.
he dun read blogs.
so its okays.
anyways,happy birthday.
enjoy ur day.
i will try not make u angry with whatever i do..

2009-11-12T06:23:00.000-08:00

oh no....
my breastie is going for like 5 days..
she going away..
off to INDIA!
will be downing lots of puri tabs.
hahas
hey girl,will be awaiting for ur return and enjoy your trip.
will be missing you yea?

DUN FLIRT SO MUCH WITH CHAOWANG.dun forget he is mine too..
hahas.
jkjk
and to mannan and chaowang.
ENJOY YEA?

2009-11-11T00:15:00.000-08:00

this blog is now undergoing some error.

changing blogskin soon;D

this blog is now undergoing some error.
changing blogskin soon;D

2009-11-09T00:07:00.000-08:00

hey..

todayy i did many dumb things.

super retard.

early in the morning,i woke up at abt 730.

den went to school,thinking i was late,becos lessons suppose to start at 8

i reached at 805 liddat.

then i tot i can get away scot free without any running just by lying to the security guard but who knows mr yeo was alr standing there punishing ppl liao,den i just hid in the girls toilet and play PSP lor.

smart hor,NO!

i thought so too, but no.

something even more stupid than this.

MY LESSONS STARTS AT 9!

i came one hour early!thats damm dumb right?

another dumb thing i forgot to mention.

i almost forget that i suppose to ignore him,i ALMOST walk in front to talk to him.

but becos the distance was quite far,have the time to think through my actions.

hahas,heng

after all the bridging lessons and all,me and jiaxin went to watch My SISTER'S KEEPER!

its a very nice story.

touching leis..

2009-11-08T01:32:00.001-08:00

back blogging.
hey,guest.
whoever you are.
thanks for agreeing with me.
i also think i have no hope alr.
THANK YOU.

there's nothing i wan to blog abt.
its just a boring life
dun nid to blog abt it.

2009-11-06T23:59:00.000-08:00

todayy.
its just a sad day.
i mean flag day.
haiz.
i am not happy inside.
i just feel lonely.
i guess, its not anyone's fault.
i blame myself for all the sadness and the loneliness.

seeing him still as bad as before.

its just something i got used to already.

what if one day...i find someone better than him,will i forget the love we once shared?

what if one day,he finds the love he had been looking for,will he forget the love we once shared?

this have been in my mind for a long time.

but pointless thinking,there is no answer.RANTS~~

2009-11-06T07:21:00.000-08:00

i used to not understand why people love their class so much.
but looking at the bintan photos on jiaxin's blog.
i really do miss 309 a lot.
although the breakup and some reason makes me hate that class,somehow.
but,i reall miss the presence of every single one of them.
suddenly.
i dun see them.
looking back is just all the memories and are all gone with the wind.

does he knows?

don't think so:/

i was on the verge on hugging _____.

becos i was scared.

the laughter was just so scary.

i know he is not ur substitute.

2009-11-06T06:21:00.000-08:00

as you can see,i am back from camp.
gosh,how i miss the times i'm at camp.
although i seriously stink after that 3d2n.
but i think the camp was very fruitful.
i have been thinking through wad yingting said.
she said that the sec 1s are very potential.
i use to think the opposite.
but i had to agree with her.
its true.
there are really potential people in this batch.
i have high hopes on them.
first day was all the scoldings and sarcasm as we really nid them to get the right mindset for the expedition.
second day.was better!
i really enjoy the second day the most!
hahas.
i think no point blogging abt it becos there is no words to describe how i feel!!!
hahas;D
i am proud to be in odac and have the sec 1s as my juniors!
scoldings and all are supposed to be for your own good.
may sound harsh and unreasonable at times but its just for ur own good;/

how i miss them,the Zn,the AXE and my BRESTIE!!!!!
best friends forever kkays;D
MJ this is it!!!!woohoo~jiaxin!!!nice horhs..

i miss you,no matter what.

its in my already.

all that we've been through.its deep inside.

2009-11-01T03:58:00.001-08:00

although ppl don't choose life. but we choose how we lead our life.
be it happy or sad.
i think its all up to u!
so,i just wanna say.
although we may not be together alr.
i still hope the best for you.
you know what i mean.
i love you.its not important anymore.
i may not be your first love or may not EVEN be your last.
but i hope the relationship has taught u many things.
becos i learnt a lot too.

hey odac sec 3s: jiayou for tomoro!
i love you guys<3
we rawk!
to all odac sec 4s and 5s who're taking the Os:

jiayou!we are very proud of you!

2009-10-31T21:37:00.000-07:00

on saturday,went back to school for meeting.
although it was kinda redundant.
but at least get to see them.
and the SJAB people are having some camp.
we,odac was like complaining to jiahao that the marching is like shit.
hahas
then,mannan brought his netbook and SHOW OFF><
hahas
no luhs
we were like acting like bitches.
he just keep calling me bitch luhs/
hahas
so irritating.
becos when he play his pin ball we just keep pressing this button:esc
then the whole game will like shut down.
he also bitch luhs.
hahas.
not long later,mannan went for some wedding dinner.
hahas
something happen soon after all these.
all of us were very moody after that.,
cos of it.

hey sec 3s:
its gonna be the last expedition we're going through.
so,lets make it very memorable and give our best shot.
best of luck!!!
I will miss you guys derhs.
every single expedition and trainings we've gone through,is etched in my heart.
lets not forget each other and whatever we learnt in odac will nvr be forgotten kkays?;DDD

its holidays again.
i gonna make this vow.
since we're not in the same class next year;/
dunno whether is a good thing or not.
but i hope i can be myself again.

in the year 2010,i hope to be a new jesslyn.
new year,new life.
dun be complacent.
strive hard in terms of studies and all!
我已渐渐习惯没有你的存在。
希望你不会再进入我的生活！

2009-10-29T17:58:00.000-07:00

report book is going to be out soon.
kinda excited leis
hahas;D

i seriously hate to be separated from them
why must we separate.
all the efforts we put it,i believe is the same.
i also think they should be given the opportunity to be in that class.
we studied together!!
how can it be!

yesterday after school,i had to stay back for some art thing.
the ms koh keep asking me shut up luhs.
anyway,afterthat.
i went ALONE to hougang point and meet the odac people up.
then,went ALONE to find brestie and AXE!
hahas

baked cookie and lost track of the time for the meeting.
haiz.
got a little scolding from my mum.
becos i was late.
i took cab from hougang mall to school leis.
at hougang mall interchange,seriously..
i was thinking if he was with me..
what will he do and stuff like that.
but,its just a wishful part of my thinking.
sadly,it will NVR happen.

sometimes,its better to stay single.
there are ppl dying,if u care enough for the living.makea better place for u and for me.

i wan watch MJ this is it!!!!

2009-10-27T02:36:00.000-07:00

results are out!
i scored farely well.
i think its just my efforts paying off.
i deserve that grades.
i worked hard.
just one subject i did lousy and very angry with myself!
bloody hell,it used to be my strongest subject but yet i didnt score well!why??
its not a difficult paper!
haiz,its my complacency.
thinking too highly off myself.
that is so sad D;
i deserve to fail my compo!
rahs~~~

suddenly without you,i feel so empty.
just when i don't see you.
i don't think i want this anymore.

2009-10-22T22:26:00.000-07:00

i fucking feel useless now.
i bloody hell look hideous.
i get a shock when i look into the mirror.
i sometimes even wonder if i didn't go for that recce.
none of these will happen.
but i should not blame it on the recce.
should blame on my own carelessness.
like why me?
forever asking the same thing when unfortunate things happen to me.
how i hated my looks now.
its just demoralising.
but through this experience,i found out that i have wonderful friends in odac
they seriously took great care of me.not leaving me there to rot.
they helped me,they cared for me.

have been thinking of this matter for a long time.
if i were to appear in front of him with my looks now,what will his reaction be.
i have visions that were positive.
but i think it will be the shock of his life.
he may just run for help!

but overall,thanks a million to those who help me that day!
love you all!

2009-10-19T00:13:00.000-07:00

我知道這樣不好　
也知道你的愛只能那麼少
我只有不停的要　要到你想逃
淚濕的枕頭曬乾就好　眼淚在你的心裡只是無理取鬧以為在你身後　
是我一輩子的驕傲
原來你　什麼都不想要
我不要你的呵護　你的玫瑰
只要你好好久久愛我一遍
就算虛榮也好　貪心也好　
哪個女人對愛不自私　不奢望
我不要你的承諾　不要你的永遠　
只要你真真切切愛我一遍
就算虛榮也好　貪心也好　
最怕你把沈默　當做對我的回答
Repeat Once
我不要你的承諾　不要你的永遠　
只要你好好久久愛我一遍
就算虛榮也好　貪心也好　
哪個女人對愛不自私　不奢望
我不要你的承諾　不要你的永遠
只要你真真切切愛我一遍
就算虛榮也好　貪心也好
最怕你把沈默　當做對我的回答
原來你　什麼都不想要
原來你什麼都不想要
我知道這樣不好也知道你的愛只能那麼少
我只有不停的要要到你想逃
淚濕的枕頭曬乾就好眼淚在你的心裡只是無理取鬧
以為在你身後是我一輩子的驕傲
原來你什麼都不想要
我不要你的呵護你的玫瑰
只要你好好久久愛我一遍
就算虛榮也好貪心也好
哪個男人對愛不自私不奢望
我不要你的承諾不要你的永遠我
只要你真真切切愛我一遍
就算虛榮也好貪心也好最怕你把沉默當做對我的回答
原來你什麼都不想要

2009-10-18T23:45:00.000-07:00

yesterday was really very fun.
we have an odac meeting at vivo.
its the most fun meeting ever.
we didnt quarrel and its peace.
hahas.
mannan always say that from sec1 til now.there have never been a peaceful odac discussion.
but yesterday we proved him wrong.
we really cooperate as a group.
although the venue seem little too noisy for a meeting.but we had things done though.
aplause for odac~
hahas.
after the meeting we went east coast park.
we discussed how to go to there in the shortest time
we had 10 people.
we took a cab there.
each paying abt 3.60 liddat,
not cheap hor.
but worth it luhs.
becos its fun.
but,while waiting for the cab,xinying lost her phone.
yingting claims that the person who is holding on to her phone is a man.
so she want all the girls to be there.
den,ended up it turned out to be a girl.we just got suspicious out of nothing.
retard but at least she got her phone back.
in the cab,me,xinying and yingting talked abt many things.
so funny.loved talking to them
reached east coast park. discussed to blade or not.
sometimes i find odac people are just too indecisive
went to inline culture to rent skates
saw steven.
he gave us discount.
he has a cute cat.
had so many fun times.
its times i will remember,just like those 3 months.
memories are the sweetest things.
dun u agree?
even though there were quarrels,but it still resolved right?
你是好人，也是个坏人。

2009-10-16T06:41:00.000-07:00

i've got a new hair cut!i went malaysia yesterday to cut.

i love it,u like it?

maybe u guys hate it,but i seriously dun mind it short.

it may just seem a turn over of life once again.

for sure i feel less stress over certain things.

its shocking but oh well,hair will grow one ma.

last night,i reached home at abt 11 plus.

was a fun day.i bought tee shirts(transformers) to make jingwen and jiaxin jealous.

hahas

they love transformers.

hahas

anyways,this morning.

i literally dragged myself out of bed,

hahas

was tired and lazy to wake up.

was having things to do for todayy so,decided to go to school.
when i reach sch.i wanted to give jiaxin and jingwen a surprise, so i just sat beside them.

hahas:D
i was being irritating to jiaxin by,whatever she says i just go huh? and huh? and huh?
den she act cry, tears really came out from her eyes.
like she is so zai at crying.
i must be like her.
this is professional acting skills.

after
but what shocked me is that her fake cry became a real cry.
tears just flowed out.
amazing.
we had our performance art workshop.
wad entertained me was the game:'crust and crumbs'
my reaction is super slow.
i cannot react to it.
when teacher shout crust i was not run.she shout crumb i will not catch jiaxin.
so stupid.
hahas
its just hilarious.
but that was just the first part of the workshop.the rest of the things is boring.
requires us to walk at the speed of 5 and have excited face.
rubbish.

after school,I had meeting.
which was not a fruitful one.
i din managed to do anything that has got to do with th upcoming expedition.
haha:/
the three of them waited for me for nearly an hour.
then we went ikea afterthat.
was really a fun trip todayy.
jiaxin and i was like super irritating.
super kiasu.
guess the number of IKEA pencils we took..
answer is:_____
tag me the answer.
happy guessing.
hahas
hmm,the lunch was great,we took many pics.funny and cute.
why?becos the pics includes me.
hahas

i am going to practise the crying skills.
jiayou;D

EXAMS AE OFFICIALLY OVER!
U KNOW,OVER!!

was watching this video on the recent news.
the video on miss singapore world 2009,ms Ris Low.
she is very humourous.
i think she should just be a comedian instead of a contestant of miss singapore.
hahas

shud watch it..
its really funny.
i'm so going to talk like her.
i rrrr know.
hahas

2009-09-23T00:41:00.000-07:00

last post for now.
now,its time for studying now.
i am seriously a geek
just had this sudden motivation of studying.
sometimes,i seriously dread studying.
and still am dreading.
who will ever like studying.
but now,just do it for the sake of doing it.

look at the previous post,the mission is was saying.
hmm,i think i am getting there alr.
cant believe it.but,i think its the best way.
counting down to the end of end of year exams.
whee!!

its the fact that its the fact.

see the inside meaning of this philsophical quote.

its totally written by JESSLYN!

2009-09-19T01:18:00.000-07:00

hellos.
now i dun understand a little bit abt me.
why do i react to this matter differently.
i dun get it.
why do i wan to take the difficult way out?
why do i know that i am gonna get disappointed or something negative,yet i still wan to know it?
haiz,why am i like that.
its in me alr.

knowing that i am not impt to him alr and suppose to hate him,but why still.
i am reacting to everything abt him.
in order for me to stop loving him,i guess is to hate.
in order to hate,i think is to get irriatated by all his actions.
so,mission to hate him now!!

2009-09-14T04:38:00.000-07:00

back from sabah.
as well as two star.
i really think i nid to reflect myself as a person.
throughout the expedition,i know it myself.
i have under-perform.
its not anything or who to be blame.
its me.
for i am the one who is controlling everything.
seriously,this expedition has been a fruitful one.
i've learnt a lot abt odac as well as myself.
i know i cant do things right when things are wrong.
i think that is wad i am actually lacking of.
i cant work with certain ppl for sure,there will be conflicts.
and i cant work under pressure or unbearable circumstances.
and i cannot be a positive person when i am negative.
i think negatively.
i am not as great as i thought i was.
i did not know,ppl actually find me a uncontrollable person.
sorry,ppl just hates jesslyn.
i really think,its me.
but,i'm sure the passion and drive is still within me.
i guess it just haven't shown yet.

i dun wan to give a trip report right now.
cause its gonna bore u guys out.
so,just the feelings will do.
i guess its better.becos u have not been to that place.
overall,its a wonderful experience.
although we din reach to the top.
in exhange,we achieve more than others.
i guess its a blessing in disguise.
try not to be so upset people.
cheer up!!=P
i miss sabah!

2 star

its really a great experience too.
i overcome a lot of things.
my fears and pushed myself to work with people i cant work with.
despite knowing the fact that i am hated,i am still going to continue on being a bad guy,me!
its just me!
hahas;D

next goal:achieving the 3 star personal award..

last thing,I LOVE ALL MY LAO GONG!

I don't know how you do what you do

2009-09-04T15:45:00.000-07:00

currently blogging at the airport;DDD
cool right.
we are on our way to kinabalu~~~
woots!
wish me luck ppl;OO
hahas

2009-09-04T04:52:00.000-07:00

i am soo excited abbt mt kinabalu!!
although, i dun really seem excited,but i am!
i am just afraid i cant reach the summit.
really scared.
its gonna be my greatest accomplishment for my entire life.
woohhoo~
wish me luck ppl.
and don't miss me too much yea?

specially dedicated to mannan:

hey man,dun be sad becos u cant go to malaysia with us.

becos i know u really want to make it,its just u cant.

at least better than those ppl who dun appreciate their privellage.

dun worry,there will be chance next time kkays;D

u can take the same route and accomplish it with other friends!!

so,dun be sad.its not the end of the world kkays!

now this is for the ppl going:

hey guys,i know its gonna be our last expedition together

(other than the trans island)

its gonna be the toughest expedition ever!

jiayou ppl.~~

its been three years already,i really hope we can really bond.totally as a team!

not just the girls!

through these three years,it has been a really enjoyable moment with u all!

really happy to be able to be part of odac and a team with u guys!

hope u guys dun forget the values learnt in odac,apply it in daily life~

may all our unhappiness and whatever quarrels we have be erased!

no point hanging there aimlessly,why not move on and spend ur life wisely and live it with no regrets as u said it was the greatest mistake of ur life.
try not regretting anymore.
sorry to make u regret!

2009-09-03T01:08:00.000-07:00

counting the number of days without u.
its been 75 days.
i dunno to feel this great sense of accomplishment or wad?
to feel that u are actually not needed in my life?
I, still being able to live without u?
(are u disappointed upon seeing the statement before it?)
maybe during these 75 days,there is some hiccups but i guess nobody will know.
they will be shock!
hee,stay happy jesslyn.
i believe u can do it.
~~i love you.~~

2009-09-03T00:44:00.000-07:00

i know its gonna be contradicting.
from what i have been saying.
but that is what i really feel inside.
i dunno whether i should actually share it..but..
hmm,okays.
i used to think that the start of the relationship was a stupid thing.
everytime we quarrel i use the start of the relationship is a "mistake" and am regretting it then.
but,those were words that were trying to make him guilty.to show my anger.

the truth is,i really dun feel that way.
i feel that i had never regretted being in that relationship.
i feel life should be lived without regrets.
if life is full of regrets,its gonna be a sad sad life.
since he alr decide to move on..
to be honest,i think i am kinda happy.he wants to move forward alr;)
maybe i should really give him my blessings with his new (ermmm)..

this is easily said than done.
sometimes i really want to know.why some ppl can change so fast.if i really had a choice..i am gonna stop whatever i had asked him to do for me.
i will tell the ppl around me not to change.
why is impossible made up of i'm possible?
when the meaning of it is so negative?"impossible is made up of i'm possible",doesnt it sound familar?
can this actually motivate ppl?
maybe yes maybe no.but definately its hurting ssome other people deeply.

mood really bad these days.hmm..
COUNTDOWN TO MT Kinabalu!!:
2 days!

2009-08-31T20:59:00.000-07:00

many people have been through several ralationships.
therefore,knowing whats happiness and wads the pain after a breakup.
but sometimes, people don't really understand the meaning of love.
for example,they don't understand the meaning of a relationship.
they think if they suffer less they are happy.
but i have anothr way of taking this,
i feel in a relationship,if one is not happy.as long as they love each other undoubtfully.
there is definately solution in everything.
if there is a problem,both can face it together.
and when the problem is finally solved.the bond just get closer.
its a no doubt situation.unless there is no love between them alr.

as long as there is love,there is hope.
talk things out when there is a need to.

ytd,i went movie with the odac ppl!!
gosh,the movie was great..but have no idea why yingting kept crying.
its supposed to be comedy.
she rubbish mans!
our first odac outing!woohoo~
went to orchard to find my mum.
got lost in ion,
how helpless i felt.
but eventually,the sense of achievement after finding my way out is unexplainable.
went to my mum shop to slp.
slept for hours.
den reached home abt 10 plus.
den 12 plus slept til this morning 10 plus.
felt like a pig.
maybe i'm bent on forgetting all this!
the unhappiness,happiness,memories,mistakes and regrets!

2009-08-30T00:09:00.000-07:00

am i suppose to be happy or not.
after hearing what ___ got to say.
i told my sis i was happy.
as __ is regretting ..
so to say,___ still loves me.
its that all i wanted to know.
or what?
do i demand more.
or just that fact that __ loves me.
izzit me hallucinating again or what?
is just me again.
me being all crazy.

just wan to be happy again.
how do i live without u,i want to know.

2009-08-28T19:50:00.000-07:00

ytd was a pretty emotional day for me.
i guess no one will understand how i am feeling.
i am not willing to talk abt it.
i wan to talk abt it.but i'm feeling scared.
becos it will change ppl's point of view of me.
so,better keep it a secret in me.

freaking bad mood abt the things that happened.
felt that the promises were created to be broken.
what'man of his words' all rubbish mans!
those were things that motivated me to continue,sometimes.
but now,things change drastically.
u are different.
were u born to let ppl hate,i am sure no one is born evil.

andd,during odac.
it was okay,til this person..
said what..u must improve ur english.den i pointed out to him..
i feel there isn't any grammer errors.
den he said,"eh,u used this word'_____'..wow!so smart!"
bloody hell sarcastic!
i feel like what..u despise the NA ppl luhs!
like u are any better,the special student who always think he is so great at everything..
den what,combine class!
bullshit luhs!go eat shit lor!
bloody hell,he owe me an apology!

if u feel there is a need to change ur attitude,den change it luhs..
i thought changing was said to an easy thing to do?

i feel very sad that why is he like that.is it actually becos of me?
but on the contary,i felt..why should i make myself the cause of it.becos i cant control what he thinks and do.

2009-08-24T00:25:00.000-07:00

life is really really unfair.
although i alr got the meaning but why suddenly felt.
super unfair!
sometimes its just the god.
god wants it to be like tat.u have no choice.
sometimes its like..
ppl study real hard but still don't pass for that test.whereas ppl playing,still passes.
why god don't see the hardworking people and reward them.
its freaking unfair.

2009-08-22T03:09:00.001-07:00

i totally cant paint.
my mood is bad.
and thats the reason i guess.
i slept for 14 hrs straight ytd.
jingwen asked me wwhy?
i was tired.
my neighbour ask me why was i looking so dead.
i replied,i was tired.

2009-08-21T22:22:00.000-07:00

its the lunar 7th month.
as many years routine,i am on vegetarian once again.
hahas;D
but i totally forgot that i was not suppose to eat meat,yesterday.
told xinying to help me buy winglet
felt freaking guilty after eating.
so i have to make up for it.
i am gonna go on veg for another 3 days to make up for 1 day.
hahas
alrights;D

during the thursday,i was like staying back with Zn and nuggets..
to find Mr Zhuang,to ask him maths questions and just talk talk.
hahas
so funnaye luhs.
i think we talk abt almost every thing mans
hahas
we said ghost stories.talkabt alottttt of things;D
talk til like 8 plus going 9 luhs
hahas
den he said he nid go home to eat dinner.
den we just let him off.
and i had to wait for my mum to fetch me.
as she was going home.just shun bian fetch me.
and besides,i was super scared to go home alone after those ghost stories,Zn told.
wooo,chilly!!!
hmm,Zn and nuggets go the same way to take bus.then they cant bear seeing a young and innocent girl,like jesslyn to wait for her mum alone..they pei-ed me wait;DDD
thank you guys!
at the place they pei-ed me to wait for my mum,we talk abt.....
so many things.
til my mum came.
i felt so guilty..
i've caused them to reach home late;/
sry leis..
somehow,becos of that it led to the test,they totally blanked out.
shud not have let them wait..
sorry guys..

have you thought abt my feelings?have u ever think at my point of view and stand in my shoes to feel,the stress and all!
u just jumped into conclusion that i hate you.u are just a selfish fool that doesnt think!
tell me who was the one who want me to hate who,and ho was the one that wanted me forget!
whats the opposite of love!its hate isnt it!
its tiring to hate someone who u have love before,u idiot!

2009-08-18T21:07:00.000-07:00

STUPID MR GOH!!
so irritating mans'
like we spent so much time on that ATT,yet wad we get in return is...
not even a SHIT!

sometimes things are like that.
like the recent incident..
some odac thing.
like WTH!i helped.
its nt like i didnt help and u change my post as a mentor.
dun u think its abit over alr.
i may be like some nonchalant thing.
but i obviously care more than that.
think it in my point of view!

2009-08-15T18:43:00.000-07:00

jiaxin like people to touch her there.
jingwen loves anyone to touch her there also.
they are so sick.unlike jesslyn.

please believe me.

2009-08-14T20:33:00.000-07:00

fridayy.
had fitness training.
was leading the sec1s and 2s for the run at the second floor of our sch.
~skip parts,unhappy moments~
had stair climbing after that.
was tiring,but fun.
odac ppl,associates fun and tired together.
hahas;D
JIAYOU ALL SEC 3 FOR MOUNT KINABALU!!!

as we clmb up the 17 storeys of the blk,i see droplets on the floor.
gosh,thats our perspiration!
our hardwork.

end of odac training went to eat with YingTing,Jiayi,LF,Huisi,Xinying and jere.
something super funnaye happen.
maybe becos i am tired.
i said YingTing go alr,then i said bye bye to huisi and lf they all!
hahas,hilarious.
mind not really working.
all think i am siao.

pictures of you.pictures of me.
ya,so true.
to summarise,its memories.
memories.flashbacks,replaying of the scene in my head.
have u guys felt like,your heart and mind are doing different things and telling u different msg?
which to listen,heart or mind?

2009-08-13T05:36:00.000-07:00

i really feel different now.
jiaxin asked:"jesslyn will emo one meh?"
hmmm,arent i a person too?i have emotions myself,i have tears,i have blood,must jesslyn always be cheerful and happy,freed with sorrows??

why am i condemming someone who is a two-sided person?when i myself do so nowadays,unknowingly.
why act right?sometimes,people act for certain purpose..?hmm,i suppose.

all my life,all i prayed was you.

2009-08-12T06:00:00.000-07:00

The greatest irony of love:

Loving the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right, and finding out you love someone right after that person walks out of your life. And sometimes, you think you're already over a person but when you see them smile at you, you'll suddenly realize that you're just pretending to be over them just to ease the pain of knowing that they will never be ours again.

For some, they think that letting go is one way of expressing how much you love the person. Some are afraid to see the one they love being held by someone else. Most relationships tend to fall not because the absence of love - love is always present. It's just that one was being loved too much and the other was being loved too little.

As we all know the heart is the center of the body but it beats on the left. Maybe that's the reason why the heart is not always right. Most often, we fall in love with the person we think we love but to only discover that for them, we are just for past times, while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or a stranger. So here's a piece of advice: Let go when you're hurting too much. Give up when love isn't enough, & move on when things are not like before. For sure, there is someone out there who will love you even more.

2009-08-12T05:36:00.000-07:00

just like everyone say,people do change.
sometimes becos u are not with this person anymore..u tend to find that he/she has changed.
maybe for the better.who knows.
sometimes its just your illusion.

i really dunno how to handle things.sometimes its the way i look at certain things.
hoping for a change in destiny,or something better.
turning out to be disapointment.

i just wan to be happy,feel loved again.
feeling the same love and happiness again.
it may not be how long the time u spend with ur love ones,its that moment of happiness u felt with him/her.
maybe one sec,u still feel everything is worth.
sometimes,i dunno why ppl just dun get this logic.
feeling loved is something rather happy,not tiring.
if one party is tired alr,theres seriously no point in everything.
its just like..it takes two halfs to form a whole.
logic is the same.analogize.

sometimes when u arent with that person anymore,u tend to feel...hmmm.cant describe it.
sometimes,just reflect on what u do.
maybe u will find the answers.
i feel that something's amiss,i feel i am kinda off the track everyone is on..i reflect on what i do to ppl and how will i feel if i were the person i was mistreating at.
if i feel bad,i guess...i should really change.

though...i feel that changing for a person thats not worth doing so.
DONT DO IT.

the big and small thing.its an internal joke.just reflect ppl...yellow is fugly.

had a fun odac training todayy.
jesslyn is just trying to be HAPPY without him.i dun wan to cling on any longer.should be trying had to distant him.

2009-08-09T06:41:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!
I LOVE SINGAPORE.WEEEEEEEEEEEEE~~
i am so proud being a singaporean;D

todayy went to east coast park to blade with my mum..
guess who i saw??

i saw NAT HO!!!!
ohhh,and he smiled at me mans!!!!hahaassss;DDD
olivia,dun get jealous.i am just heng.

2009-08-06T06:18:00.000-07:00

todayy stayed til late to do A maths
had a sense of accomplishment.no idea why.
sitting right there alone..is kinda complicated.
at first i was looking for Mr Zhuang,wanted to ask him to teach me maths.

waited for quite a while.
was sitting at the study corner..beside me was sitting a tcher,heard alot of things abt the tcher.she was teaching the lower sec science.
was SUPER lousy,i couldn't even concetrate;/
but i want to make sure i wait there for Mr Zhuang.
cos,i want to do well in the exams and get out of the class as soon as possible.
was like so hardworking.
felt good to be alone.
but had complications in my thoughts though.
hahas;D
kept thinking of impossiblities and possiblities.
but knowing the impossible is not going to be possible and neither do i wan it to be possible.
--sounds like a tongue twister.

Mr Zhuang finally came back to the staff room,but had to go for some invigilations at 4 to 545
so i waited there for him.
while doing my maths.
did quite alot.
i feel proud for myself.
got back my phone todayy;/

at 5,jiaxin came down.
hahas
she was so upset with her art tcher.
her art tcher is unreasonable.
hahas;D
shan't elaborate on that,its mean.

at 545,Mr Zhuang came back.
he teach me the remaining questions and then jiaxin and i started doing.
had alot of fun.
got gossip abt alot of things also..
hahas
Zn=zinc...
hahas..
inside joke

hahas
did maths til 7.
den went to eat with jiaxin.
then we saw the band members coming out of the band room.
they jus released,den we ask sotong whether she wanna eat,she just told us BYEBYE.

okays,den me and jiaxin go eat lor.
i put like 40 little chilli padi into my soup.
its shiok but kinda torturing eating it.
den came,sister,zhen jie and sotong.
they ask jiaxin whether wan go home alr.
den i say i haven eat finish yet,becos the soup was like damn spicy.
let zhen jie try the soup.
he tried to act like the soup was nice..
hahas
so stupid.
and also,sister so funnaye like.
drink bubble tea halfway..then suddenly throw the cup away.
so funnaye.its just hilarious.

zhenjie then challenge me to this: see who can drink the most spoonful of the spicy soup wins,without the aid of water.
i drink 8.
hahas
he also drank 8.
so its a tie.
hahas.
then they all 4 go home together.
and as for me,went home alone.

jingwen,we can only STUDY,cannot LAUGH,cannot make any NOISE,cannot SING,cannot EVERYTHING.they can do EVERYTHING!
why?BECAUSE THEY BIG MAH!we small!

2009-08-02T06:14:00.000-07:00

today went bukit timah with my mum.
under-estimated the abilty of that hill.
everyone said til it was easy.
in fact,it isnt.
we took the longest trail for that hill.
saw monkeys..
MONKEYS ARE SOO CUTE!
hahas

watch many shows these days,and somehow i link it back to somethings that happen earlier.
let go becos u love that person.
whats yours will always be yours
its fate.
when the flashback of US flashby,i will see US bickering and getting angry.
somehow it makes me giggle in my heart.

He had everything in me.The one thing i cant get back.I gave up EVERYTHING for him…

2009-07-27T05:24:00.000-07:00

4 hrs detention with qiaoyi todayy.
was fun.
did a little art.
hahas;D
walk to the bus stop with her after detention;/
talk abt...
many thinggs.
OUR SECRET..
hehe.

Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew.

2009-07-18T01:22:00.000-07:00

错爱好可怕。
更可怕得是，爱错人，都不知道。
到了最后，知道也太迟了。

2009-07-17T20:20:00.000-07:00

yesterday there was odac training thats why didnt wan to follow jiaxin and joan to compass point.
i scared i couldnt make it back in time.
we had to belay those bicultral china students.
there were a total of 11 of them.
belayed them and let thm all try abseiling.
they took quite sometime to complete the activities.
but..its a great experience to try to reach for the top of the wall.
we did not consider that whether some of them like to try another time,since we still have time.
we let the SL try.
first was celine.
second was samantha lek.
third was clement.
then.yingting.
then me.
then weepin and then chinyue.

guess what,one of the ppl above.
haven not come down when four ppl went up.
hahas
not to humiliate the person but to tell the person not to be too determine on certain things and not to be so confident and be more considerate
although u finish climbing the wall,but did u consider how tired the belayer was after the 40 mins climb?
quit complaining and just come down luhs!

Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him.

2009-07-14T23:51:00.000-07:00

gosh,todayy..
i got very angry in class,during physics lesson.
i dunno why i so angry.
maybe becos in the first place..,humans have limits to everything.
maybe i am alr at the verge of breaking down.
somehow,i alr tried controlling my emotions.
seems to work for quite sometime.
mr faaiz also in a bad mood..
i think ppl moodswings will just affect everyone.
haiz.
mood affected.dun wan blog lerhs

I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy,I’m going to laugh, so you don’t see me cry,I’m going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me - I’m going to smile.